Speak when you are angry — and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret. Laurence J. Peter
People who cannot control their emotions are vulnerable to those who who can #HoskWisdom
Aggressive people bully their way through life, forcing their ideas onto others. Anger is an emotion, it manifests into shouting, confrontation and disagreement. Individuals react to confrontation with a flight or flight, these reactions bypass thinking and involve working through the emotion.
Emotional conflict is uncomfortable, tense and draining, it leads to answers best for individuals but not the group. This method of discussing doesn’t encourage input from people and can make people feel not heard or valued.
To help view force from a different perspective, this is how Jujutsu tackles the issue
“Jū“ can be translated to mean “gentle, soft, supple, flexible, pliable, or yielding”. “Jutsu“ can be translated to mean “art” or “technique” and represents manipulating the opponent’s force against themselves rather than confronting it with one’s own force. Jujutsu developed to combat the samurai of feudal Japan as a method for defeating an armed and armored opponent in which one uses no weapon, or only a short weapon. Because striking against an armored opponent proved ineffective, practitioners learned that the most efficient methods for neutralizing an enemy took the form of pins, joint locks, and throws. These techniques were developed around the principle of using an attacker’s energy against him, rather than directly opposing it”
Don’t fight force with force, its not the optimum tactic, instead use their aggression against them. Identify the situation and choose not to react emotionally but to respond tactically.
When a person lets their emotions control their actions, they are reacting to a situation, if you behave strategically, you can gain the upper hand.
Aggression hides weakness, the person is struggling to control their emotions. An angry person doesn’t think about outcome they focus on being right, winning and showing the others are wrong. The less thinking done the increased chance of stupidness.
Don’t waste time arguing, you don‘t change opinions through shouting, instead ask them to explain their ideas. It’s hard to be angry to someone who is listening to you, show this by repeating their ideas. Paraphrasing a persons idea can make them realise the idea is stupid when they hear someone else say it and they stop to think. This can act as a discussion where the they come up with a new and hopefully more sensible idea.
Don’t play to the strengths of the aggressive person which is shouting and conflict, they want you to argue and be aggressive. Instead, let them tire themselves out by asking open questions beginning with How, what e.g.
How do you want me to do that?
What should we do to make that happen?
This is a similar tactic used by Mohammed Ali when fighting George Foreman. Foreman was younger and a stronger puncher, Ali didn’t fight force with force, he let Foreman wear himself out and when he ran out of energy he attacked.
Don’t respond to shouting with shouting, be silent and confuse them. Listen and ask them to explain their opinion, particularly the parts you don’t agree with. Give them time and space to make an idiot of themselves, show them enough rope to hang themselves.
It’s important not to react, you must stop and think. When someone is in your face and being confrontation try to recognise the situation, it gives you to turn the conversation to your advantage.
The angry person is focusing on being right, winning and make the other person wrong. Focus on the outcome, whose idea or who is wrong or right is not important, it’s the outcome that matters.
Let the other person control the conversation, whilst you control the outcome
Don’t fear aggression in other people, use it and like Jujitsu you can turn the other person aggression against them.